Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Extra Meat

The dining hall has switched from serve-yourself buffet style to a more personable ask-and-ye-shall-receive method.  The food is surprisingly better, but it would seem they almost anticipated the dangers of all-you-can-eat goodness and added the asking policy for better security.

The idea is that everybody gets one serving, fair and square.

This presents a problem for people (like me) who want - rather, NEED - extra breakfast meat.  The early dose of protein is what gets the carnivore inside me through the day.  If I am not allowed to have an overflowing plate of bacon at least twice a week, things get ugly.

Luckily I'm not one to give up on my usual routine so easily.  I realized early on that the only thing stopping me from unlimited meaty breakfastry is an old lady with a chef's hat and serving tongs.  Compared to the usual brick wall or giant fallen sycamore, that's not that much of an obstacle.

As effective as it would be to overpower her in a brief altercation and steal the entire tray of bacon, I know this would only work once and I'd probably be arrested long before I could finish consuming my greasy delicious trophy.  No, the only way to get past the serving drone was through... her heart.

With wide-eyed and bright-smiled wonder that would match any cartoon princess, I bat my eyes at the food-woman and feign interest in her well-being, all the while slightly sucking in my more prodigious parts to seem like I'm slightly starving and in dire need of extra scraps.

I noticed an almost immediate result when the girl in front of me in the line asked for "lots of bacon".  Disappointed in the amount, she asked for "extra".  Upon my turn, I simply asked the breakfast granny 1. how her morning has been and 2. for bacon.

Here's a visual aid of the result.

Sure, there's not much difference in mass between three and three and a HALF, but think of those ratios! That halfish one is like four pieces.  So a poor girl asked for extra and got only 3 pieces instead of my unrequested (yet deserved)  4. Her bacon ratio of 3/4 is like 75% which is like a C grade.  That is WAY sub-par to my 100% A+ bacon satisfaction.

I guess my point is: I'm cute and I get extra bacon for it.

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