ice cream puddle

I could spend time discussing the tragedy of what happens when one forgets about an ice cream cone and it sits out in the sun, but instead I'll show you a picture of it edited by yours truly!

It was a beautiful mess, but a mess nonetheless.

Sunburn

Today was a lovely day. Naturally, I went outside for like five seconds, and that's all it took for me to get a sunburn.  This wouldn't be so big a deal, burning is natural - sunburns are to pale kids as hibernation is to bears - except for the fact that I wore an undergarment of criss-crossing nature, and received a very distinctive x-shaped tan on my back.

This has happened to me before, but on a much worse scale: four years ago I wore a one-piece with thick straps and got a similar (though wayyy worse) V-shaped second-degree burn that kept me tan through the next several winters.

I decided to look up a picture of it for comparison.

Please do take note that I am wearing THE EXACT SAME TANK TOP IN BOTH PICTURES.  This could mean several things:
1. every time I wear that tank top, I flash fry like a chicken leg.
2. every time I flash fry like a chicken leg, I'm wearing that top.
3. I have not changed my top in the past 4 years.

I kinda miss my Victory V.  At least people knew and respected the fact it's a swim suit tan.  With my X of Shame though... a sassy bra is the only thing that would leave such a mark.

At least I've upgraded from an insecure thickstrap one-piece to scanty Victoria's Secret bras.

Chips. Dips.

My suitemates and I are addicted to chips and dip.  It started simply as our preferred snack but now it's an obsession.  Despite our knowledge of the lack of nutritional value, we gorge upon chips/dips as often as possible.  Sometimes it's what motivates us through our days.  We've even discussed making meals of it and possibly devoting an entire shelf to chips and another to dips, arranging them carefully like books in a library.

Sadly as college students, we can't afford 1. to pay for that many brands of chips and varieties of dips 2. the unnecessary calories.

But we can dream.

Door

I've recently discovered that the door to my bathroom does not latch on the inside, meaning that to enter the room from the bathroom requires only a shove to the door.

This simple fact has changed my life dramatically.

Moving around in the suite is so much easier.  I can bounce from room to room in less than a second.  If I need to carry something heavy or awkward I only need to turn the handle of the initial door and slam myself into the second one.  It is also easier to escape darkness-monsters.

On a negative note, I've become too accustomed to the hands-off method of opening doors, and I find myself slamming into normal doors that do not give way, rather painfully.  The feeling is comparable to turning into a human accordion. Womp, womp.

I feel like I've accessed magic but only for a moment and returning to a life without that magic takes a painful several-second transition.

The Pig-Man of Res Life

A pig is trying to ruin my life.

Head of my school's Residential Life, this pig-man has come into a surprising bit of power as next year's room selection draws to a close.  I paid him a visit in hopes to sort out the shambles of my living situation and the best he did was piss me off and tell me nothing I ever want could ever possibly work out.  His best case scenario for me was honestly my idea of the worst case scenario before I entered the office.  The only advice he gave me was to come back often and check if anything new shows up.

After talking down to me and rejecting my suggestions (do pigmen find feasting upon dignity and self-confidence a source of good nutrition?), there was not much left for me to do but leave.  Not only did he not care, it was as if I was wasting his time!  It's his job to help me find a place to live and all he did was tell me where I could never get in.  He was more ruinous than helpful.  I curled my lips into a cordial smile, ending the battle but not quite the war.

"Okay, well, there are your options. Cool?" He tried to sound casual, nonchalant even.  I responded quicker than I could stop myself. "No, actually. Not 'cool'. But I accept the rules for what they are. Thank you for your time."

You may be a powerful pig-man, but I, sir, am a dragon.  And who knows when I might want bacon for breakfast.

I'm sure he's a wonderful guy.  I however do not agree.

Happy Meal

This past Saturday, a few friends of mine were awake and hungry far before our usual noon-time brunch.  Being a band of warriors in search of a breakfast fit for our appetites, we all decided on McDonald's.  Warrior fuel, indeed.

Upon entrance I immediately scan this month's theme for Happy Meal toys.  It's a habit of mine: for the first 15 years of my life, going to McD's simply meant new toys.  Not so much emphasis was on the food.  I can't even tell you how many times as a lil' kid I got a kiddie burger, ate a bite, opened the toy, spit out the pickle, and gave the rest to my dad.

Anyway so I run into  McD's and marvel at the Happy Meal toys.

"OHHH MY GODDD LOOOOOK SUPERHEROOOES!!!" I whine, admiring at all the colors and varieties, bouncing up and down like a kid.  I seriously considered getting one til I realized I was a big girl and Happy Meals did not have 3 Egg McMuffins as an option... yet.

We ate our various breakfast sandwiches and enjoyed each other's company.  The place was quite quiet at the odd hour of day.  As it approached a more lunchlike time, people began to appear in the restaurant. As we left I noticed a kid ran in and marveled at the toys.  He was seriously wiggin' out over the potential combo of Batman AND Robin.
"Look at that lil kid," my roommate said with an adoring tone in her voice. I scoffed and said something about how stupid and obnoxious kids are. "Whadda they think, they're here for just the TOYS?!"

My roommate burst into laughter.  "Hayley! That was the first thing YOU did when we walked in here!"  And she was right.  My roommate called out my 19-year-old tuchus for doing the same dang thing as a 4-year-old only 20 minutes ago.

Ouch.

new pet?

I'm finally committing to it: I'm buying a pet snake.  I've been saving up my money and selling my valuables for a while now and it just seems like the right time.  I've already called in to my hometown pet shops and found the best deal ever.  The instant I'm home for Easter I'm gonna pick him up at the store.  I'm investing in an adooorable baby ball python.  I will raise him to be big n fat.  I'll train him to eat gross things and sit on my shoulders all day.  Maybe he'll even do both at the same time!

Dreams DOOO come truuueee.  I'm struggling with where I'm gonna put him in my dorm since leaving him at home is never going to be an option.  Also... I have no idea how I'm gonna smuggle him into my dorm room in the first place.

Seriously though. I'm pregnant. Surprise!

If you can't tell yet this is an APRIL FOOL'S DAY post.  Calm down, mom. :)