hair troublems

When my hair was short, all I wanted was for it to be longer. Now that it's long, it's like it will never be long enough to satisfy me.  After years of just assuming I wasn't allowed to have long hair, I became secretly obsessed with it.  I don't know how to make it stop.  Should I cut it super short again? Will that fix my hair length gluttony?

The last time I recall maintaining a short hairstyle, I was in my mid high school years, where I knew what it took to be pretty but not how to accomplish it.  I didn't even know how to use foundation makeup properly, so on the rare occasions I did style my hair, it went awry.  I like to think that in the past couple years I've grown girly skills - I use eyeliner now! - and if I were to cut it short, I could probably get it to look pretty nice on a daily basis.  Hypothetically drawing, I'd aim for this:

There's a catch though: my hair is thin, flat, and useless.  My hair's even thinner than angel's hair.  Not the pasta.  Like, actual angel's hair.  Which I would imagine is real real thin to have minuscule pasta named after it.  My hair can't hold anything like a curl for more than a few minutes unless sprayed with twice its mass of hairspray, which ends up weighing it down back flat anyway. It is also impossible to put any volume in it with all the science of the world (under a $5 budget).  When my hair is at its wispy-worst,  I look like a relatively well-complexioned bridge-troll with a comb-over.

Thin hair on a thin face with a big ol' pear-shaped lady-body is not a good look.  Sorry, troll.  Even if I DID find a way to fluff it up, I must not forget how lazy I am, and how infrequently I'd actually try.

Wow. I think I officially talked (wrote?) myself out of wanting short hair.  Sorry, Brian, looks like you'll have to compliment my long hair instead.