Thursday, February 24, 2011


I wished upon the first star I saw as I walked to work this morning.

I wished for the ability to spit venom.

It was admittedly an irrational wish, but upon weighing all the possibilities of interpretation, there is absolutely nothing that could go wrong with my wish. I wished for the ABILITY to spit venom, implying not only would I be capable of spitting, but I could also choose when to use my power. I did not wish for immortality, flight, or the golden touch, and respectively I did not doom myself to live forever, fly forever or be gilded forever.  The classic fables have taught me the importance of word manipulation.  I'm such an English major.

Why would I want the ability to spit venom?  Uhh to inflict damage on foes or prey, duh!  I can only imagine how the brown-noser in class would react if I just stood up and ejected a stream of low-grade toxin across the table at her in the middle of her cacophonous sentence.

It's not like it's a crime to spit venom.  I understand that harming people without reason is "wrong", but it's just like any self-defense mechanism.  I would only strike when provoked.  As long I don't kill people I'm basically in the clear.  I also think that being a venomous college girl could fill a specific niche on campus as a much-needed vigilante, keeping a sort of order by holding the threat of snake-lady bites over everybody's head.

I just realized that I told you my wish and now it can't come true.

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