The random Mexican-American woman who sells homemade hats, gloves, and jewelry was peddling her wares as usual in the Kellogg Center and cast a spell on me today. I'm usually pretty resilient bustling through there but my eyes fell upon her collection of rings and I was entranced. I reminded myself I was a broke college kid til she mentioned that each ring was only $3 - a super low price I knew I could pay in dimes if need be. I was not the only one suddenly captivated by these stones. My suite mate too felt the deep necessity to procure a stone ring.
After running back to get money, my suite mate and I spent far too long deliberating which semi-precious stones would make for the best husband. Cuz, yknow, when you get a ring from somebody, they're a king of that thing. Like Halloween spider rings mean you're wedded to the Spider King, silver rings imply a connection to the Silver King, and TPS Report rings mean you're married to a CEO.
Having the idea in our heads already set that we wanted a lawful marriage to The Jade King, My home gurl and I finally decided upon these gorgeous and supposedly jade rings:
After purchasing them, the peddler-woman gave us some spiel about how they absorb good energy or something long-winded and a lil' late considering we already bought them and weren't about to offer her more money post haste for the knowledge of their various imbued powers.
Upon returning home and making our other suite mate comment on our awesomeness, she told us that real legitimate jade isn't that cheap and suggested our rings were fake. She told us that the way to test real jade was to scratch glass with it. My fellow Jade-King Wife and I, out of deep hurt and denial, ran up to the first glass thing we saw - a mirror - and scratched it with our rings.
There were no marks left behind.
What did that mean? Obviously the mirror was not real glass anyway. Figures. There were also no real glass mason jars in the print studio or real glass windows in my prof's office either. Weird. Maybe some day I'll find real glass that my perfect genuine not-fake blue Jade King ring will be fit to scratch.
Maybe there's a reason they were all labelled "semi-precious"... only kinda precious, bordering on barely precious at all.
But I'm still gonna pretend it's giving me special powers.