Monday, February 21, 2011


I hit a squirrel today.  Too much shock value?  Let me start over:

Because of inclement weather, one of my classes was postponed for an hour.  Within that hour, many suitemate shenanigans ensued, the final one being the discovery of a latent mold colony inside a coffee mug.  Out of the goodness of my heart I decided to dispose of the now well-contained mug (hermetically sealed in a grocery bag full of febreeze).  Running late for my already late class, I speed-walked past a trash can and power-chucked the nast-bomb inside.

I expected a small delay before hearing it thud against the bottom of the can, but instead I heard an almost instantaneous thuk followed by some sorta explosive blasting through the other side.

Yep.  I managed to hit a squirrel as it was foraging through trash for winter sustenance.  And I probably hit it really hard.

I laughed out loud like a mad scientist for about 2 seconds more than what would be considered socially acceptable.  Somebody walking past even called me out for my creepiness.  I then began to ponder the implications of what I had done: I had hit a squirrel with a bag filled with mold and febreeze.  What would such chemicals do to the poor thing?  Could it be that the squirrel became exposed and now was doomed to die of an unlikely poison combination?  Or worse: will it become a MONSTROUS MOLD SQUIRREL MUTANT OUT TO GET ME FOR MY CRUELTY?!?

I hope the answer is "no" since I have yet to be attacked by a massive mold-squirrel.  But only time will tell.

1 comment:

  1. you did a good thing. squirrels don't store acorns for food... its ammunition for the squirrel revolution... and it won't be televised.